Its me again.
Every week i intend to answer questions that are posted by (@Bringmein on twitter)
I posted both questions because i was experienced both situations.
In my younger years my parents were married until i was 18 (I’m 23 now) they are now separated and not speaking, however here is the plot twist he wasnt my biological father, we’ll come onto that.
I understand why having two parents in a household is important, because this a child’s first view of how men and women treat each other, and what love looks like (and not just mummy daddy love).
However in my case i prayed daily for my parents to split up because at my very young age i could already see this was a toxic relationship i didnt know how, but i could just tell my mum shouldn’t have to stay with this man he didnt care about her, he cared about what she could do for him however my mum said the words a lot of mothers say when i asked her why she stayed
“Im doing this for you”
Now if you are a mother/father reading this – i want you to understand that at the end of it all as the child all we want to see is our parents happy and we are also very aware of what makes them unhappy so if you are telling yourself you are staying because of your child – go and ask them do they want you to stay? Do you think mum/dad is happy? You would be surprised at how much children really know
I watched my mum become a shell of person by the end of her marriage, she had been drained and i come from a traditional african upbringing which frowns upon a woman leaving her husband and its the notion that she should “put up/fight” for her marriage but never talks about how a man should also fight but hey traditional african ways are sexist.
which is why she lasted 10 years before the final round of infidelity pushed her to make a decision that she doesnt regret
I grew up in a single parent household from birth till the age of 5 then from the age of 18, and it was tough. One source of income in a getting more expensive London was hard! I watched my mum count pennies often just so we could have food on the table even though she worked it just did not seem to be enough and i could often hear her friends telling her to get back with him (imagine the nerve of them)
It got real when she became ill in my second year of uni – it forced her to stop working and it was then i wished to have second parent because the emotional strain was something my mental struggled with and i still relapse till this very day but with anything you just have to learn to adapt in order to survive and i say that to everyone in a single parent household.
So to answer the questions above – i dont feel as though it is essential as long both parents are active in co-parenting and there are clear communication lines between parents and child and i dont think it affected me horribly i read a lot as a child and often they spoke of how men should treat their wives etc…and i was very aware this didnt happen in my parents marriage so i was usually rooting in the back for them to split up.
I mean if anything them separating was a heaven sent because above all my mother’s happiness was key. And she is finally happy.