Yes! You can miss being single while you are in a relationship.

I know some of you read that title like :

I have been thinking about writing something about this for a while. Then the video of Nicole Ari Parker and Boris Kodjoe surfaced on Beyonce’s internet and I was like yup! this is a sign that it is time. I put some pen to paper on a topic and here we are.

This a topic that often is discussed, (usually in private group chats and work drinks) amongst those of us, especially those of us long term relationships.

Black Couple Matching – http://Photo by Fikayo Aderoju from Pexels

I have been with my boyfriend close to four years now. We have lived together for three of those years. For many people, the idea of living with your MCM/WCW seems like a thrill, especially with the way social media makes it look. Don’t get me wrong the videos you are 100% accurate.

However, social media does not show you the lows in relationships, which happen more often than you think. Which is what leads me back to what Nicole Parker said :

Sometime in the last year or so I thought, you know, I wish that he was my boyfriend again,” said Nicole. “I don’t necessarily want to be single, but I miss the single life. I miss the text messages for no reason. I miss the coming up behind me when I’m scrambling eggs and just kissing me on the back of the neck.”

– Nicole Ari Parker

The above had people clutching their pearls, (by people I mean men). The funny part is if you happen to work in an office environment, you will hear comments like hers on a daily basis, from both men and women.

Many of us who are/have been in long term relationships have experienced the slump.

What is the slump?

The slump is that part of your relationship, where you have fallen into habit. You pretty much do the same thing every day, and it has life has now become a routine, and nothing else seems to be happening in your relationship, (even sex has been put on the back burner and doesn’t quite feel the same anymore).

Photo by Joshua Mcknight from Pexels

However the slump is not always a bad thing…

Sometimes the slump can help people get back on track with their relationships. It can help reignite the flame. let’s face it everyone hits a slump in life, and more often than not its a sign that something needs to change. Nicole states later on in the conversation

I personally believe that if you’re in it for the long haul, that freshness and newness is still possible if you talk about it. Be like, ‘Look, I know we talk about date night. Let’s go have a date night. I know we talk about kissing and texting for no reason, but the last time you text me was over like the cabinet guy.

– Nicole Parker IG

Take it from me, what you are feeling is absolutely valid. You aren’t a terrible person for thinking it. Many of us have been there and come out on the other side in stronger relationships and just because the spark has gone does not mean it won’t come back it is about how you and your partner can navigate in the dark to find the light again.

For those if you who want to hear the whole conversation click the link below

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