Can you be friends with your Ex? Is it possible? Are you mad for trying?
The answer is “YES” – however whether it’s healthy for you to be friends with your ex is a whole other ball game.
Now when i say is it healthy, think about how important it is that we maintain healthy relationships,friendships, and think will being friends with my ex make me a better,happier person in reality or am i deceiving myself. One of the things of heard in favour of being friends after a breakup is :
“being able to be friends with your ex is a sign of maturity”
You know what else is also a sign of maturity? When you know its time to burn that bridge, because let’s face it a lot of people believe in the idea of something vs the reality of what it. ESPECIALLY in relationships, because we forget that when we are friends for someone we are there through the good and the bad times e.g “going through issues with the opposite sex”.
Bare in mind everyone says they can handle it. Until you hear the person you cared or (even still care about talking about someone else) with the same VIMMMM they used when they spoke about you.
It will pull at your heart chords small, but if you are able to put your emotions aside, and give your genuine unbiased advice knowing that you WHOLEHEARTEDLY (not 80/20) have THEIR best interest at heart then go you, be their friend.
BUT…. If you feel that tug in your chest when they speak about someone else, and you feel your chest tighten and your skin starts sweating, sis/bro abandon ship right now, this friendship is not for you in fact you should just delete their number now.
“But Why I Know I’m Over Them”
Pssh. That is what you think you maybe on surface level but our subconscious is always there to remind us how we truly feel and your subconscious is throwing up all the signs
“Yeah but you know they say you will always love…” My friend please, you and I both know that statement is used to make the other party feel warm inside on those cold nights while you hope you guys will get back together…let it go hanging in around playing a fake friend in the hopes this happens is unhealthy for you.
“He/She said they’ll always love me but they think we should just be friends – so maybe we should just work on friend our friendship than”
Stop. Ignore everything before the but. I know what it sounds like but if I have learnt anything from my years in the field of dating is that more time than not if people open with sweet words but throw a big ol’ BUT in there the opening sweetness was to soften the blow.
These are just some of the things I’ve told myself too. So don’t worry you aren’t alone but I am also a strong believer in actions speaks louder than words so apply this.
What I do not recommend
Pretending to be their friend. I can’t tell you how terrible this idea is. Like I mentioned above you will literally gag yourself when they come to you talking about “all the ways they are so in love and have never felt like this before”
As much as you may think this will bring you a closure you will fall down a rabbit hole that will only end up in tears.
What I do recommend
1. Make a list of Pros and Cons of having this person in your life. I tend to find making lists helps sort out my thoughts and makes it clearer.
2. Be honest with yourself – This is probably the most crucial thing because i am guilty of this and it’s the part where we deceive ourselves into thinking this is what should happen and force ourselves out there and even if you would like to be friends with this person eventually it’s okay for this to happen when YOU are ready and communicate that with them so at least everyone understands what’s happening.
I am not an expert so please do not come and kill me, but I have had my fair share of these types of situations so these are just my tips! If you have any please share them below.